Sunday, March 21, 2010

Day 16 Wed March 10 Date from Hell

Well well well. I am home from my date. All I can do is laugh. I'm not upset, or disappointed. I am not angry or depressed. I am proud that I faced my fear of blind dating! So here how it went:

I got off of work 3 hours early. I went and put together a cute outfit with a new purse which was more of an investment. Gone are the days of the canvas 16 year old purses with skullls or band names. I actually have a handbag and I have to admit it, I like it. I also got a cute black scarf and black cardigan to match my dress. The weather was pouring but I didn't let it dampen my mood! I was going out on my first date provided for the $34.99 per month subscription.

So this is a lesson in internet dating:
I got home just in time to get all dolled up. I even painted my nails a beautiful color red, took extra time with scented body lotion, accesories and the perfect hair. Then the warning texts started coming in. This should have been my first sign of what was to come. The "chemist" said that he was still at work and did not have time to go home and change before we went out. We were to meet at Fado down the street from my house at 8:30. I told him he probably looked fine, looks aren't important it's the person that counts and all those warm and fluffy things I believed to be true in my heart. I also imagined him in some khaki's maybe with a polo or button down shirt. White lab coat. Maybe a pair of cute and stylish glasses. Someone I have never wanted but do now. Someone not a drunk, drifter, womanizer, drug addict. Someone who actually had a career path, a good job, a home, a car and something real to say. I rushed around so much that I didn't even have time for the nerves to set in. Before I knew it, it was 8:15 and my cab was pulling up to take me the few short blocks to Fado Irish Pub.

I arrived early which is something new for me. I am usually chronically late, so I wanted to make sure that I was on time to make a good impression. First impressions are important no matter what anyone says. I walked into Fado confident and looking forward to the evening. I texted him after doing a quick walk through of the resturant and found he was not here. He might have been for all I was a date. Well, he was circling the parking lot because he didn't have the five dollars to park. That should have been my first sign. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Most people do not carry cash, they only carry ATM or credit cards. I only had cash because of the cab fair and tip. So with best intentions, I went outside and paid for his parking. When I met him, I realized that my dreams of the "chemist" were dashed. Just because I was honest with my profile, stats and pictures on does not mean he was. I should have run the other way. But for better or worse in this case, I was already here I was going to use this as experience. At that time, I still thought that just because he was shorter, balder and didn't look like he showered in days this man might have gotten stuck at the lab doing something great for humanity and how dare I judge him by his ratty jeans, tshirt and hoody. We went inside after short greetings. Instead of getting a table for dinner he wanted to sit at the bar. This should have been warning number 2. I quit drinking and was not willing especially on a first date with a complete stranger compromise my sobriety. He ordered a jack and coke and then advised me that he had already had pizza and bear at work. So there was to be no meal, and I was stuck drinking a water with lemon.

Now, I figured since I was already here I needed to go with it. This is the short version of what transpired in the 2 1/2 hours of date.
1. He advised me he had a four year old son due to a girl he "knocked up". He was not fond of the mother and did not express warm and fuzzy feelings about his son. He talked of his son like he was a burden. He actually said that his son was autistic and he was glad so he didn't have to deal with him as much.
2. He is a chemist working on drugs for Hiv. He does not do it for the benefits of humanity, he simply does it for the money. None of the drugs he has made have ever come close to helping, all they do is kill hiv in chimps and then also kill chimps. He found this funny. He also didn't seem like such a animal lover or a people lover for that matter.
3. He told me that if we got into a relationship and either I broke up with him or he broke up with me he would burn the bridge and completley destroy me. Really? I've heard that love is a battlefield but is all this really necessary?
4. He also told me that he has no desire to become close or meet my friends/family if we began dating or having a relationship. Nor would he want me to meet his friends. He does not have very many friends. His only best friend died 8 months ago due to brain cancer and all he could say is that he was glad he no longer had to take him or pick him up from the airport.
5. I knew he had one snake due to his few profile pics on No, he has 40 different specicies of snakes that he breeds in incubators in his 2 bedroom condo. That is the only thing he seemed enthusiastic and warm about. The snakes. Now, I have a fear of snakes. I was willing to be open to one snake, but 40 different specicies in one small condo. I don't think so.
6.He does not believe in what he does. He does not believe in medicine. Now, I have a chronic illness I have yet to share in this blog. It's crohn's disease which I got from my biological father that died due to complications of crohn's and alcoholism. He didn't know that I have crohn's nor did I share that information with him. He told me that he manufactures drugs but does not believe in taking medicine in any way. I advised him, although I wasn't all together forthcoming about my own diagnosis that my biological father pasted away from Crohns and that I was very involved in advocacy for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of Atlanta. He said that it was genetic, I probably have it and that the meds they prescribe do not help. They just prolong the inevitable...I will dye young due to complications. All the meds in the world and healthy living will not help.
7. He doesn't believe in marriage and doesn't want kids which on his profile it specifically states he wanted both.

After two and 1/2 hours of this on an empty stomach enough was enough. He paid for his drinks and drove me home. After it was all over he leaned over to hug me and told me he had a great time. He wanted me to go out with him on Friday and meet his dad! He actually thought it went well. OMG! I quickly got out of the car and walked still holding my head up high to my apartment.

So, now that is over, and I shared this story with my BFF and my mom eating a bowl of much needed multi grain cheerious, I can say this much. I am not upset, depressed, sad or disappointed. I am proud of myself for letting myself try something new, trust in someone new and they way I handled myself. So what if it didn't work out. At least I faced my fear! This is just the beginning and it can't get much worse right?


  1. I'd love to know what percentage of blind/Internet dates turn out as lousy as yours? It's got to be rather high. If you're happy with yourself, speed dating is the way to go.

  2. I still remember this blog entry fondly. I miss your stuff.

  3. Here's a thought, email me through my blog page so I can at least know how this story ended. I'm anxious to know!