Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year/ New Blog

I loved my first blog. I wished I had kept up with it but at the time I didn't have the resources to keep it going. I was living in a crappy apartment with iffy internet service. My PC computer kept breaking and honestly I was stuck in a rut. Ever wanted to fix everything in one day. I am always like that. I want everything done immediately and I thought that with the blog I could reinvent myself, find love, loose weight and become this super woman who knew herself. The truth is I did reinvent myself, I did find love, I am still loosing weight, but I am still not a superwoman. I'm still trying to find footing in my life just in new ways. So with that being said, I know this year is going to be the most exciting year of my life. Why?

Well the short version is I sold every piece of furniture I had. Moved out of the crappy apartment that was 1200 feet to a new apartment that was 600 square feet. Swore off men and decided to focus on my career and going to photography school. Life has a funny way of changing your plans.

Within a month of moving in, I started dating a man. An old friend. I had progressed. I usually dated bad boys. Guys that were emotionally, physically or just plan unavailable. This man and I will be married in 296 days. We moved in warped speed. Dating now for only 13 months, we moved into a bigger apartment, adopted a dog and got engaged in August. With getting married, merging families, and planning a wedding a whole new set of issues have popped up. I haven't had to live with someone in a long time. That means compromise. I didn't know that I had to trust completely. That meant my husband to be had to patient with me.  It also meant me letting go of the ghost of relationships past. We both had to learn how to remain ourselves, blend families and friends. It's had it's challenges. I never thought that planning a wedding was so expensive, so time consuming. I didn't know my life would stay the same but change so drastically. So reinventing yourself at 35 is now getting married at 38. The blog will not just be about me getting married. It won't be just about place settings, dress colors, cake tasting etc. It will be about two people never married trying to figure it all out. I still don't know what I'm going to call it. I just know I'm going to do this!

It will still be heartfelt and honest. I hope you will enjoy it. Happy New Year!

Friday, September 10, 2010

More to come...

Hello All! My blog has been hiatis due to many reasons. A lot has happened since March. It has been a year of change and I feel I have grown more in the last 7 months than I have in years. But due to computer issues, health issues and well pure laziness I have slacked when it came to my blog. I appologize to myself, my followers and everyone else for that. Honestly, I took life by the horns and ran with it and just didn't document it like I originally wanted to. But let me be clear, this has been the most exciting time in my life, a time of self reinvention, of growing, of struggles and triumphs. I will once again begin to write everyday. I will be sharing my progress and bringing things up to date first...kinda like a backstory. I have committed myself once again to 365 days and can't wait to see the outcome. I hope you will enjoy reading this blog as much as I will enjoy sharing my triumphs and failures with you. This blog will be one thing and that is honest. I hope you will decide to read it and give me your thoughts on it. I would love to hear from you.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Day 35 Sunday March 28 You know your single when

The funniest thing happened today. Well it began last night, my best friend decided to involve herself in my search for mr. right. Now you must know, I have had my best friend for 24 of my 35 years. She is awesome. I love her like a sister. She is in a very committed happy relationship and has been for many many years. She actually moved to Atlanta from Louisiana to be closer to me and met him soon after arriving here. Lucky bitch!
So for all of my dating life, she has been with me starting with the night I lost my virginity. She picked me up from my "date" behind the swamp in the backwoods of little town named Houma and we had our first official sex talk. Well we've been having them ever since. We don't just talk about men and sex, hell we talk about everything. Men, our other friends, work, our families, other peoples families, celebrities, food. You name it. We gossip about it all like too old women. She is my other half in a very heterosexual way.
After reading this blog, and being very supportive of it from the get go she decided she was going to make it her new life's mission to set me up with mr. right. Now, how she intended on doing this is she set up a bogus account on Plentyoffish.com as BFF 35. It has no picture. It is just a way for her to search for men. This way, she could find men and pick out the ones she likes. I inturn am suppose to contact them once I get off of my ass and join. Now 99% of this is that my best friend wants me to find the right man and be happy. 1% is because she is nosey and the queen of internet stalking. Well I've gone through the people she found and I have to say the woman has taste. So I guess I will be joining plenty of fish.com. Maybe since I obviously am so bad at finding my other half, she will be successful at it. Then I will never hear the end of it!
The funniest thing about it is that just like Match.com we know for a fact these men lie lie lie. My best friend found my ex's best friend on plenty of fish. In it he is all pouting for the camera. He was honest about his weight, height, occupation, etc. In it he said his pet peeves are liars. Well girls and boys it shows his age as 34. The boy is 40! Hilarious. He hates liars and makes it a theme in his profile and yet he lied himself. How ironic!
So I guess I will be setting up another internet dating profile. Uggghhh! At least it will give my best friend and I something else to gossip about...love you Addie!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Day 34 Saturday March 27 2010 Music heals the soul

So I have to say, I am feeling much better. Not just physically, but mentally. I went to the Earl to the CD release party of the Future Bold. If you haven't heard of James Hall you need to check him out. www.JamesHall.com. He is my all time favorite! I've been seeing him in clubs in Atlanta for years. Everytime I go see him play, no matter where I am at in my life or what is going on that day I always leave his show feeling reborn. I don't know how to describe it. He is an excellent performer and his voice just sends chills up my spine. You know after watching him that he is the real thing...he is original and humble. A hell of a lot better than most of the mainstream acts you read about or hear on the radio. It was so good to go out and be free for once. I saw a lot of my old school friends, friends that I had before my apocolypse of a relationship. They had been reading my updates on facebook and were all so concerned with my health. The amount of love I felt in the room was overwhelming! I danced and sang at the top of my lungs. I left feeling released. Check out James Hall and the Future Bold Atlanta GA. You will love them!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Day 33-Friday March 26 2010

What a beautiful spring day. I had a friend take me down to the hospital to get my paperwork that my job needs. It seems like Human Resources fax machine and my doctors fax machine cannot communicate. I got my doctors release and FMLA paperwork to give to the powers that be on monday. Now that monday is so close, the nerves are setting in. I haven't worked in 2 weeks and a lot could have happened in 2 weeks. I just hope I still have a job. You never know when life can throw you a curve ball.I will be grateful to get back to work, to structure, to the gym. I just hope work is as happy about me coming back as I am about going back.

Day 32 Thursday March 25 2010-:(

The world can be so cruel to people.I was sitting in starbucks buying some green tea and this woman who had to be younger than me came up to me. You should have seen her face, beautiful but tired. She was obviously pregnant. She asked, barely able to look me in the eye if I had any cash. She is pregnant, has children at home and has lost her job. She doesn't have any money to feed her children. I felt like crying. I instantly gave her the cash I had. You could see the desperation and hopelessness in her eyes. I just wanted to sit her down and tell her everything would work out. Not to loose hope. Some how things would work out. It's sad when a mother cannot feed her children. It really puts things in perspective. I need to get more involved in helping others. Our society now is all about helping ourselves. Looking out for number one. That was a reality check. I have all these personal goals and they are all about bettering me. What about bettering the lives of other people who are less fortunate? With the state of the country with the economy, housing crisis, and unemployment rates sky high we should all pitch in and help our fellow human beings. I'm going to find ways to volunteer my time and talents to helping others.

Day 31 Breathe Me Wednesday March 24 2010

So, about yesterday. There is so much to say that I didn't have time give it justice. I started this blog for very specific reasons. I use to blog on myspace and though it did serve it's purpose at the time, it's not in my best interests for me to expose myself on my myspace page. Hell, who really uses myspace anymore anyway. People are either on facebook or twittering their little hearts out. I also wanted to embark on this new beginning in my life and in order to do this, I wanted to take it to the next level. I hope that it ends up being as entertaining for my readers as it was on myspace over the years.
I mainly started this blog after a man that held my heart in his hands for the last 11 years left. I met him when I was 24. It was always a very intense all consuming relationship but with fire you are bound to get burned. At first, it was an affair...shame on me. Then it was a relationship with the shared car, shared money, home and his and her insurance. Then, there was infedelity followed by years of devastating breakups, makeups and everything inbetween. I was so involved with him, I lost me some how along the way. Then finally after almost 11 years of back and forth, and us having relationships with other people we came to a cross roads. I should clarify, I came to a crossroads. He had already crossed the road and went to the other side. For years I was stuck because even though we were no longer "together" he never allowed me to fully move on. Stuck in limbo. Unable to go back, unable to move forward. Unable to breathe. I got the news he intended on moving. I lost my mind. Really I did. What was I going to do without this man who I depended on when he wasn't really dependable. Who was I going to be without him? How now at the age of 35 was I going to have my happy ending. He was moving to an exotic new city with a brand new girlfriend. I was still in the apartment with the scuff marks over my bed from our relationship. We said our goodbyes, he left and I was devastated. But with devastation, comes rebirth and rebuilding. And that's what made me start this blog. It was to document my goals, document my life and share it with people who might find themselves having a early mid life crisis. I always thought he would be better off...hell everything came easy to him. He had everything he wanted. I was the one that was going to have to scream, cry, crawl and struggle to regain myself.
But, a funny thing happened boys and girls. I woke up to the phone call I didn't see coming. He called. I was shocked and courious what was up. Instead of jumping up and down, hanging on his every word my first response was "what do you want". I wasn't trying to be mean, hateful or vindictive. I have loved this man for 11 years and even though I am not happy with how things went down, I will always wish him the best, love him in a way, and wish him happiness. I figured he was calling to let me know how wonderful his life was. It was the opposite though. He wasn't happy, I could hear it in the sound of his voice. He complained about the new place, the fact of everyone speaking spanish, the lack of work for him, his new girlfriends kid. The fact he couldn't sleep at night. He sounded sick, exhausted and just unhappy. Here I was thinking when he left, I would be the one to suffer. He asked me how I was, if I was okay. And the weirdest most satisfying thing happened. The answer shocked me. I am okay! I'm better than okay. I'm great. And it wasn' t a lie. I might have been sick for the last 2 weeks and let's face it people, the blog was a real debbie downer. As a whole though, I am stronger, happier and healthier than I have been in the last 11 years. I've grown so much as a person and have found myself. The fact he misses me is just icing on the cake! I got off the phone, and cried for a minute. And then, it stopped. Not after days or hours or minutes. A minute. What sweet progress!