Sunday, February 28, 2010

Day 6 Goals...

Now that I made it through the week I need to address the goals that I want to accomplish in the next 300+ days. Some might say they are resolutions. Every year people (including me in the past) make new years resolutions just to break them. It's like they are meant to be broken. Why is it that only at the start of a new year, we re-evaluate our lives. We see what we don't like or just want to change about ourselves and set an action plan to change. I think we as people should grow continously throughout the year which is partly where the idea of this blog came from. It also came from me being completley single and ready to get my life in order.
So here are the list of things I wish to accomplish:
  1. Loose weight. I am currently 5 feet 7 inches and 175lbs. I have been this weight for 4 years. I use to be 145. By the end of this 300 days I want to be back at the 145. I will research different weight loss avenues and share them with you. I will also keep track of my progress on this blog.
  2. Get in shape. I haven't been in shape in awhile. I will try out new physical activities such as utilizing the gym at work, taking a yoga class, taking my dog Rex out for long walks, bowling, running and playing sports.
  3. I will financially start a savings plan. I will come up with and keep a budget to get back on track. I will also minimize my outstanding debt.
  4. I will purchase a car!!!
  5. I will find new things to interest me besides reading.
  6. I will go on a vacation
  7. I will research and enroll in school by the end of this year for my new chosen field
  8. I will start dating again.
  9. I will move out of my apartment to some new place that inspires me.
  10. I will stay sober and smoke free!!!

I can always change my goals or add more. I know it's a long list but I am up to the task. Tomorrow is the start of me making things happen. Tonight, I am going to finish watching Love Actually and enjoy the rest of my weekend!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

They will not control us..we will be victorious

What a truely awesome day. I had the best best day. I saw my favorite band Muse for free. One thing I have learned by going through trials and tribulations lately is that you have to surround yourself with things that make your 5 senses happy. In general you should always have things in your home, car or workspace that will stimulate your five senses and make you happy. For example:
Sight-Watch a favorite TV show or movie. Maybe go to your favorite park or the beach.
Touch-Cuddle up in your favorite Pj's. Sport your favorite outfit that feels good on your skin.
Smell- Candles, flowers, maybe baked goods. Whatever your favorite smell is.
Taste-Keep some of your favorite foods in the house or go to your favorite restaurant, coffee house etc.
Sound**Very important** Make sure you surround yourself with music you love.
So when I am having a bad day, I listen to Muse. It makes me feel empowered! They are awesome. I love going to see live bands in concert be it a local artist or a national act. Muse tickets went on sale a few months ago.I wanted to buy tickets when they went on sale, but they sold out immediately. So, what is a girl to do. Look on Ebay of course. I found tickets but they were going for $1000.00 a ticket. I cannot afford to spend $1000.00 on a ticket. I cannot afford to spend $1000.00 on anything come to think about it. I gave up hope. I remember going to see them in little theaters when no one really knew who they were. I loved them back then. Now they are playing huge stadiums and ampitheaters. So I figured there was no hope. My job does have a box that they have at Gwinett Arena. I asked my boss if I could get tickets back when we had a better relationship. He said that I was on a list. There were people infront of me. I figured with my luck lately I wouldn't get them. Well, Friday he gave me the tickets. Finally something went right for me. Sometimes, all you need is one thing be it big or small to go right for you and means the difference.
So one of my best guy friends that I've known forever and I went. He is my favorite person to see movies or go to a concert with. He is such a hard core movie and music buff and he knows so much. I really enjoy spending time with him. So we went and Muse put on the most incredible show that I have ever seen. People, I have seen A LOT of shows and they blew my mind. I think back at where I was this time last Saturday...crying, drunk and just devastated. What progress I have made in the last week. I hope this is the start of good luck and good things coming my way.

We will be victorious!!!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Cheese Dip with a side of laughter

What an improvement one day can make. Sometimes you need just a great comfort food meal and for me it's Lafonda and a some laughter. I forgot in the last week what it was like to really laugh. One thing I have been forgetting about is that I have really good friends. Some people have no one. I have a whole army of people that love me. I just have to weed out the good people and the bad.

One thing I have to do is eliminate all the toxic people in my life. Toxic people just drain me of time, energy and they take away my self worth. If after spending time with someone, no matter if it is a lover, family member, friend or co worker and you walk away feeling like part of you has been chipped off then you don't need them in your life. I need to be more selective with my heart, but that doesn't mean I have to hide from the world. I laughed tonight like I haven't in soooo long! The wound is closing and I can live again. So what if my job is making me unhappy, and things aren't the way I want. As long as I have people to surround me with love when things get rough, I will be okay no matter what. Now it's time to rebuild!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Day 3 Ignorance is your new best friend

Today is one of those days that I was not looking forward to. I said in the beginning I would blog about the good and the bad. Well today I woke up happy and came home crying. It seems to be a trend lately. I woke up listening to the local dj sing the golden girls theme song. I love the golden girls! Then I went to work and my mood changed quickly. I really am not a horrible miserable person. I just have been putting up with stuff in my personal life and work life that I shouldn't have for so many years that now everything has come to a head. I ended up leaving work today and telling my director of my job that I didn't give a fuck anymore. I told him I just didn't care. It might have cost me my job. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but I'm sure my actions today even though I thought they were justified will end up biting me in the ass. Welcome to corporate america!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Day 2 Dusting Myself Off...

Day 2- Dusting Myself Off

Eventually you have to get off of the couch and face things head on. I've been in the house for 3 days crying, screaming, venting to my friends. Second guessing my choices and myself. After 3 days I just got sick of feeling sorry for myself. Really, I was quite pathetic! If I was a character on a tv show I would have switched the channel. So what if things weren't they way I wanted. It doesn't mean I can hide out and feel sorry for myself forever. 3 days is enough!!

The first thing I needed to do is get my ass up and go to work. I already missed 2 vacation days over a man that was just not worth it. Why loose more. I woke up, still looking not so hot but at least determined to go to work with a fight and win attitude. Sure, there were bumps in the road. Part of the reason why I dislike my job is because I work in cubicle land. In cubicle land you have a bunch of people who work 40+ hours together and have nothing better to do than talk bad about each other behind each other's back. In all my years of working which is now 15, I have never worked with such a bunch of 2 faced people . It really makes me not want to be there. I am one of the people they like to gossip about most. They smile in my face and stab me in the back. So of course I got those looks. Even the sales people I support across the country stab me in the back. I was told today I was being moved to another assignment per their request. It's not because I don't do a great job. My numbers are some of the top numbers in the company. I have also been there longer than everyone in department but one person. My quality scores and performance reviews are excellent as well. They just want someone who doesn't miss any work. I missed work. How petty. Everyone misses work from time to time. Really! And as I was being told I was moving assignments these very same people called me and told me how much they liked my work and were asking for favors. This is what's wrong with corporate america! The lack of honesty and integrity.

So I am going to take this with a grain a salt and a smile. I started this blog by saying I am changing my life. Here is the first change. I might not have done it myself, but it happened and I look forward to what comes of me having a new assignment! Maybe with this new assignment will come better things and bigger opportunities!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Day 1- Starting Again

Hi! I'm Erin and I'm starting over. Starting over from what you might say. I'm starting over life. I just turned 35 February 1 of this year. I've lived in Atlanta since 1996. I should have it all figured out by now. I should have the ideal job, a husband, beautiful children, great family, wonderful friends. I should have all of the answers figured out. My life should be going according to some "great plan" that we all dream of. I was the girl in high school that just didn't think things through enough. I never planned anything.I was too busy falling in and out of love with random high school crushes and that always came first. I wasn't interested in school, or studying, or figuring out what Erin wanted out of life. If you would have asked me on my last day of high school what I wanted to be when I grew up I would have told you I never wanted to grow up. I never aspired to be anything. I just flew through life by the seat of my pants. At 18 I moved from a small town of Gaineville Georgia to Atlanta to follow a local band and became immersed in the music scene. That's what I have been doing since 1996. It probably was the greatest time of my life, but like previously said I had no aspirations for myself. I was too busy helping others fufill their dreams. I eventually met a man, who changed my life. Everything was about him. Nothing was about me. This lasted for the last 11 years. He meant everything to me, but unfortunately I still to this day cannot tell you if he loved me at all. He didn't want to get married, he didn't want to have children. So I never wanted those things. We lived how he wanted, where he wanted. It really was a toxic relationship. Not because he was a "bad" guy, only because I allowed myself to get lost and not worry about my goals or what I wanted. I didn't put me first and he only put himself first one was looking out for me. Well we broke up..go figure. He moved away and I was devasted. So much of my life was about him that I didn't know what I wanted now that he was gone. Luckily, I do have great family and good friends. I have a job working at corporate America. I still have this nagging feeling that if I could only go back in time, I would change so much. We can't go back in time though. What I can do is finally sit down and figure out what I want out of life. I can start finding myself and figuring out what my goals are. I can reinvent myself! So I am giving myself 365 days to reinvent myself. Start over, maybe older and more jaded than I would like to admit. But wiser. I am going to figure out what I want and go after it. I decided to keep me on course, I would blog about it. Be it a good day or a bad day, I will share it in this blog. I'm probably not the first woman who found herself starting over. There are plenty of people, men and woman alike that get divorced, seperated or just don't like their lives and start over everyday. There are also many people who do not have the courage to start over. Well, I hope by me sharing my experience with the world I will inspire people to not settle!