Day 1- Starting Again

Hi! I'm Erin and I'm starting over. Starting over from what you might say. I'm starting over life. I just turned 35 February 1 of this year. I've lived in Atlanta since 1996. I should have it all figured out by now. I should have the ideal job, a husband, beautiful children, great family, wonderful friends. I should have all of the answers figured out. My life should be going according to some "great plan" that we all dream of. I was the girl in high school that just didn't think things through enough. I never planned anything.I was too busy falling in and out of love with random high school crushes and that always came first. I wasn't interested in school, or studying, or figuring out what Erin wanted out of life. If you would have asked me on my last day of high school what I wanted to be when I grew up I would have told you I never wanted to grow up. I never aspired to be anything. I just flew through life by the seat of my pants. At 18 I moved from a small town of Gaineville Georgia to Atlanta to follow a local band and became immersed in the music scene. That's what I have been doing since 1996. It probably was the greatest time of my life, but like previously said I had no aspirations for myself. I was too busy helping others fufill their dreams. I eventually met a man, who changed my life. Everything was about him. Nothing was about me. This lasted for the last 11 years. He meant everything to me, but unfortunately I still to this day cannot tell you if he loved me at all. He didn't want to get married, he didn't want to have children. So I never wanted those things. We lived how he wanted, where he wanted. It really was a toxic relationship. Not because he was a "bad" guy, only because I allowed myself to get lost and not worry about my goals or what I wanted. I didn't put me first and he only put himself first so...no one was looking out for me. Well we broke up..go figure. He moved away and I was devasted. So much of my life was about him that I didn't know what I wanted now that he was gone. Luckily, I do have great family and good friends. I have a job working at corporate America. I still have this nagging feeling that if I could only go back in time, I would change so much. We can't go back in time though. What I can do is finally sit down and figure out what I want out of life. I can start finding myself and figuring out what my goals are. I can reinvent myself! So I am giving myself 365 days to reinvent myself. Start over, maybe older and more jaded than I would like to admit. But wiser. I am going to figure out what I want and go after it. I decided to keep me on course, I would blog about it. Be it a good day or a bad day, I will share it in this blog. I'm probably not the first woman who found herself starting over. There are plenty of people, men and woman alike that get divorced, seperated or just don't like their lives and start over everyday. There are also many people who do not have the courage to start over. Well, I hope by me sharing my experience with the world I will inspire people to not settle!