i will not let a broken computer stop me

I have been agonizing over this blog for almost 2 weeks. After my last post, my computer which has a history of bad behavore decided to break. I was so disappointed! This blog has a special place in my heart. I love te creative outlet it gives me. I also made a lot of goals, this blog being on of them. How am I going to blog with no computer? So I placed my computer in the shop and did what any girl would do. I went old school and kept everything in my journal. Finally today I figured out how to use my android phone to post blogs. So this is how I will be posting things until my computer is fixed. Starting tomorrow I will post all my entries from the last week. Wish me luck! I am so glad to be back!

Day 12 Saturday-Fell Down Rabitt Hole

This is going to be so quick. I am exhausted. It's the beautiful exhaustion of a person with a full and happy life. I had such a glorious day. The weather was gorgeous! The company was the best! The food was delicious! Alice and Wonderland was fabulous! I couldn't be happier. I could write so much more,but I must go to sleep. I hope when I dream, I dream of wonderland!

Day 11 Friday I'm in love

Sweet sweet friday. I love you so! Tonight honestly I was stumped on what to blog about. After my mini meltdown at work yesterday, it just seemed I didn't have much to say. But I took a walk and relized some things. Every once in a while, hell even maybe once a week, I will have a bad day. These days do not determine who I am or what direction my life is going to go in. What mattters is how I handle those bad days. In the end, yesterday was a great learning experience. I am not going to judge my progress by that one bad day. I must look at the whole week. In this week I have conquered a lot of difficult things. I started and maintained a diet. I did it all by myself with no fads, or expenive programs. I did it by eating right and portion control. I started an exercise plan. Sure, I'm only going 3 days but next week I will step it up to 4. Last week I weighed 5 pounds more. So it all paid off and the weight loss is better than any cupcake I could ever eat. It's not just about the pounds though. It's about setting my mind to something and sticking to it. I also networked a lot at work. Sure yesterday I could have handled things better, but it was a learning experience that I will grow from. I showed up today with my head held high and focused on the prize. This week I also got out of my confort zone and talked to a new man. That's a big step for me. So tonight I can go to bed truely pleased with myself. There is still a lot of work to be done. I am up to the challenge. Now it's time to enjoy the weekend!

Day 10 Getting the Knife Out of My Back

I have learned so much about corporate America. I thought I had been through and seen it all. I felt like I was conquering it. I also thought I was confident enough to not let things get me down. But today I hit a road block. I went into work ready for the day. I have been on such an emotional high lately. It seems that things were coming together. But a wise person once told me that all things, good and bad eventually come to an end. For almost a week I felt unstoppable. I felt nothing and no one could bring me down. I finally found my strength, courage and focus. Then I was sucker punched metophorically speaking and it all went to hell in a handbasket.

See, I have worked with this one woman in my department for 5+ years. She is one of the only people there in my department besides management I trusted. All the people that work in my department are bitter and disasatisfied. They are backstabbers and they will do whatever it takes to get ahead. Since for 5 years there have been no advancement opportunities,our department does not have a good vibe in it. Have you ever seen a bunch of crabs in a pot. They'll climb all over each other just to get out. Well that describes my department in a nutshell. I thought this one woman was not like the others. I sit next to her. We talk about our families, interests, love life etc. We buy Christmas and birthday gifts for each other. We confide in each other. I thought in all aspects, it was a mutual friendship. So when she applied for the leadership program in the beginning of the year, I wrote a well thought out and glowing recommendation. She got into the program and has changed since being elected into it. Being in the leadership program is like working your 40+ hour work week and then going to a seperate job. It requires a lot of time, energy and commitment. Well, she hasn't been around much.
Well today, she showed her true colors. She had a meeting with my director and told on a lot of people for things that they were doing wrong at work. Then, after her meeting, she went and told everyone that she told on that it was me who was going to management and getting people in trouble. So now, everyone started treating me with contempt and said things loudly about me. I didn't understand why. I got so upset and confused because I didn't understand why people that I worked so hard at building a professional relationship with would all of a sudden treat me so poorly. I went to my manager and found out that she was the one infact that had told on everyone. No one even got in trouble but she still felt the need after turning everyone in, to make me the nark. I just couldn't believe that after 5 years of friendship she would throw me to the wolves like that. I felt more betrayed than I have in a while. What's bad is it made me cry which is so unprofessional. I let them get the best of me. I went home. Tomorrow is a new day though. I have to remind myself of something a wise person told me-you have to make yourself your number one priority. You have to go into work looking out for yourself because you never know in corporate america what motivates people around you. Also most importantly I have to remember that all things good and bad do not last forever. This too will pass. Tomorrow is a new day and all I can do is go to work, plug in my headphones, do my job to the best of my abilitities and never let them see me sweat!

Day 9 Giddy

What a great 24 hours! Last night, after I had finished my blog an unexpected thing occured. My phone rang and it was the "chemist" from match.com. I've been in relationship after relationship for most of my adult life. All the choices I have made in boyfriends have led me to where I am today. I had a problem with recycling lovers. Instead of going out and finding someone new I would always end up going back to people. Not the wisest choice. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So, I decided I needed to meet new eligible single men. Most of the men in the scene I hang out are heavy drinkers and/or drug users. I didn't want to go through all of that again. None of my friends could set me up with anyone. I couldn't meet anyone through work. The one and only time I dated someone from work, it turned out to be a complete disaster. So one of my friends had found her current boyfriend on match.com and I decided to give it a try. This year is all about trying new things and reinventing myself. So, I joined Match.com. At least I could screen men, see what they were all about, see how compatible we are, email them and go from there. My first conversation with "the potential teacher" went horrible. He kept comparing me to his ex wife. He had A LOT of baggage from her and he was so jaded. I know things happen and people get hurt. I've been deeply hurt myself. I do not project that on to others though. Needless to say, I never met him and it left me with a bad taste in my mouth from Match.com. Well, then a "chemist" was interested in me. We exchanged numbers, but I was apprehensive. He kept calling me and I wouldn't answer the phone. Well last night, he called and I finally got up enough nerve to answer the phone. We had the most incredible conversation. It was so easy and comfortable. I felt like I had known him for years. We talked for an hour and made plans to meet next week. It amazes me how much we have in common. I got off the phone and felt like a teenage girl with her first crush. I hope he is as great in person as he is on the phone. I have a good feeling he will be. He even sent me a really sweet text today. I'm finally optimistic about finding someone. Even if he isn't the "one" at least this gives me hope.

Day 8 Snow day...or maybe not

Today I went to work surrounded by beautiful snowflakes. I thought for sure that since it was sticking when I left to go to work this morning, that we would get to leave early. No such luck. I love the snow. It's so beautiful coming down. It really calms me down for some reason and makes me appreciate the simple beauty of nature. I was really disappointed that I couldn't enjoy it. By the time I got off of work, it had stopped snowing. The little bit that was on the ground when I left this morning was melted. I feel like it was winter's last goodbye. I feel lucky to have seen snow three times this year. It's made me think that maybe since I enjoy snow so much, I should live somewhere that I would see more of it. Wouldn't it be nice to have 4 seasons like I had when I was a little girl. That's something to consider! Who knows, by this time next year I could be on my way to living in a new state. The possibilities are endless. No one made a mandate that I have to live in Atlanta. The people that I moved here with are long gone. The reason why I stayed in Atlanta left a week ago. But there is my job to consider. I would have to find a job equal to or better in both salary and benefits.
Speaking of which, I really am enjoying my job again. I love having a new challenge and conquering it. By the time I have my first one on one with my new supervisor, I want her to be impressed. She gave me back 14.5 hours of paid time off today. Yeah, more vacation time! I want to use it on seeing a part of the country I have never seen. I want to travel more this year too.
I already am on my way to accomplishing some of my goals. I started my diet plan today. I researched jenny craig. You know those commercials...Just call Jenny. Loose 20 pounds for $20.00. Talk about false advertising. It's $130.00 a week for food a lone. To join, they say the only way you can loose the weight and keep it off is to pay $399.00 for a full year of weight loss counseling. Are you kidding me! All I need to do is watch my calorie intake by keeping a food journal and excercise. So who needs Jenny, who by the way was a man!

Day 7 -Not a Manic Monday!!!

Wow. I think I just had one of my best Mondays ever. I don't know about you, but I despise Mondays. It seems like the weekends are so short.Today though, I woke up feeling more secure and with a game plan. I looked forward to my new assignment at work. I have been in a rut at work for awhile, doing the same thing with the same people day in and day out. I was looking forward to seeing what new team I would support and what people on my old team I would continue to have. I was pleasantly surprised at my new assignment and am looking forward to the challange.
It was more than the new assignment though. I've been reading this career self help book. I am cringing at having to type self help book right now, but it really has helped get my mind in the right place when it comes to my job. I've always believed that self help books were lame. First of all the whole "self help" label embarrases me because it's so cliche. It implys that you need help which is true otherwise you wouldn't have purchased the book in the first place. But, I swallowed my pride and found that I did need some help in how to control my anger, anxiety or stress at work. I also needed help on how to weave through the never ending web of office backstabing and gossip. The book has taught me how to go to work and put the best foot forward. I went into work rested, polished, confident and focused. I got things done and put on a happy face. What a difference my day went with the few tips I read in the book.
I also began working on my personal goals. I got off of work and immediately went to the gym. I only did cardio for 20 minutes but it was a start in the right direction. Of course I hated it, but just like everything else, I just need to try new things and see what works for me. In the meantime, the treadmill it is. I also got home from work and took Rex for a walk which he enjoyed.
So at the end of the day, I really feel good at what I accomplished. I no longer feel that I lack control in my own life and future. I even had a phone call from a potential date...Life is getting better!! I hope I continue to learn everyday about myself and how to achieve the goals I so deserve to achieve this year. I'm more optimistic than I have been in a while.